When I first started this blog, it was primarily to keep all of our friends and family updated on the process and progress of our adoption from Ethiopia. We started the paperwork part of the process in December of 2013- FOUR years ago. At that time, we were heartbroken and weary from our infertility/miscarriage journey, but excited to finally have some hope and direction for building our family! I knew I wanted to be a mother, and we really felt God leading us to adoption. I couldn't wait to get our paperwork finished and "on the list"...I couldn't wait for the day I could get on and post here about "THE CALL" or "THE EMAIL" that would let us know we had received our referral for one (or two!) precious little Ethiopian children, which we have been praying for all these years.
Well, we got "THE EMAIL" last week. But it was nothing like what I had envisioned that final email to be. Our agency sent an email out to all of the families in their Ethiopia program informing us that the Ethiopian government had voted the day before to completely shut down international adoptions within their country. Meaning everyone in our agency's Ethiopia program who has been waiting (for some of us, for years) to receive a referral- never will.
My heart broke for so many reasons that day. Mainly because I knew what this would mean for so many children in Ethiopia- precious children sitting in orphanages, with no family of their own, now have no hope of being adopted into loving families across the world. And most of the orphanages that were run by private agencies will now be forced to close (no adoptions= no funding to maintain operations) and those children will be moved to already overcrowded and poorly run government orphanages. I hope and pray so hard the Ethiopian government has a plan for how to best care for their orphans now that they have removed international adoption as an option, but we have not heard of any alternative plans for that as of yet.
I also grieved heavily for the loss of yet another child that had been birthed in my heart but never had the chance to become a reality. I had prayed for those children that would live in our home one day- worried about whether they would feel loved enough, accepted enough. I thought about future Christmas cards, family vacations, people they would date...and now those images I had formed in my mind and in my heart feel so stolen, and so empty. I now have to form new, different images of what our family may ultimately look like.
Most people that we have told already about this have asked what we are going to do now. We have a few options but haven't made any decisions, and we are not in a huge hurry to do so. Our agency has offered some transfer credits (basically giving a discount to all of the families in our program who want to switch countries), but since so many families would be switching at once, the discount isn't very substantial and we do not have the funds to basically start over with a new country in this season. And honestly, I don't know if I have it in me to switch to a new country right now and face the same risks. When we began the Ethiopia program, it was a very strong program- no one saw this shut-down coming until we were well into the program already.
We still have a strong desire to adopt and do believe God has called us to that. However, when we started this adoption journey, we didn't know if we could ever have biological children- and now four years later, we have TWO. And God may have more planned for us, so we are open to that as well. We are going to spend a season really pressing into where God is leading us now that Ethiopia appears to be a closed door. When we very first started this process and I would go through doubts about whether this was the right path for us, I would always hear God tell me "stay the course"- and until I hear God speak a fresh word to me (and I know that He will- because He is GOOD and REAL and loves to speak to his children)- I will continue to stay the course...pausing at what looks like a dead end of this journey- but maybe more like a fork in the road- to listen for where to go next.
We would so appreciate your prayers for wisdom and guidance as we do press into what's next for our family. THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed for us, sowed in financially to our adoption, and walked this road with us. We did lose all of the money we put into this adoption- which majorly sucks and makes me sick to my stomach- but I do know that the money that was paid to our agency went to running an orphanage for years in Ethiopia, to helping other families bring hundreds of children home, and to operating an extremely ethical and wonderful agency. We do not blame America World for shutting down their ET program, as they have no other choice and are just as devastated by this decision as we are.
I hope that one day I WILL be able to share on this blog about "THE CALL" or "THE EMAIL"- the one with the wonderful news that a child will be joining our family through the wonderful gift of adoption- whether its domestic, international, foster-to-adopt or any other way God will ordain it. Until then, I'll be maintaining this blog as my own journey of motherhood, living in community, and maybe even some food posts every once in a while if I ever get back around to completing a whole30 (don't hold your breath for that one).
Love, Lori
