the word of the year

I have always loved the holidays and Christmas, and I even love that it comes at the end of the year because I get to look forward to it all year long and its like the Grand Finale to our year. But in recent years, the end of the year- or beginning of a new one perhaps- has also made me a little anxious. Gearing up for a new year with all of the "resolutions"  people make, myself included, are what usually end up getting me all frazzled. Without fail, every single year, I have resolved to: start working out again daily, eat healthier, wake up earlier, and stop biting my fingernails...and yet every December 29th(ish), I find myself waking up to the sound one of my kids crying for me to come get them out of their bed, eating various processed products throughout the day, and chewing my fingernails as if my life depended on it. So I decided last year that personally, making a ton of somewhat unrealistic resolutions was setting myself up for failure, and I needed new approach to the new year ahead.  So Erik and I decided to scratch a list of resolutions, and instead pick ONE WORD that would define the coming year for us. For instance, for 2017, he picked "Active" and I picked "Positive". I tend to see the glass as half empty a lot of times, rationalizing my mindset it as being practical and logical, but it plays out as negativity, and I knew I really wanted to work on that- especially as we were gearing up for our big move and a lot of changes coming our way. Erik wanted to work on his health and building new friendships in Dallas, so his word was fitting for multiple goals he had.

At dinner the other night, we were able to sit down and talk about our year and our respective words and how we saw them play out over the year. We both noticed and called out how the other person had really succeeded in a lot of areas with our words! Erik has been so active in our new neighborhood- he organized a Dad's flag football game that everyone loved and wants to continue annually, has made some awesome new friends and seems to always be meeting up with guys to do stuff, and he has been way more dedicated to running and working out than in years past. Not because he had a resolution to work out every day, but because he had a desire to be more active in general.

I will say that my attitude towards moving and getting settled in Dallas been surprisingly positive this year, but not without a little work in that department. Changing my mindset about situations, people, and circumstances has taken time, but reminding myself of all the good parts of a particular situation and being grateful for all God has done and people He has put in our lives has helped me see the glass a little more full. I know that this area of my life is still a work in progress, but Erik and I both noticed a definite difference in my attitude over this year and that's something to celebrate!

We also chose new words for 2018, and I am excited to see how those words play out in our lives. Erik chose "Focused" and I chose "Purposeful". (Okay, I actually chose two- I also chose "Grateful" because I want to continue on my positivity journey and like I said, gratefulness is a key in that!) I want to be purposeful about how I spend my time, money, and invest in relationships. I want to be purposeful about how I parent our kids and in how I love and support Erik.

If making resolutions are stressing you out as much as they did for me, maybe this is a good year to scrap those lists and come up with just a word that you want  to define your 2018. Maybe you write it out on your mirror, or keep in your car where you can see it, so that it can really penetrate and start doing some work in your life and soul. I would love to hear what some of your words are if you go that route!

The Year of the Move

A little over a year ago, we made a major family decision to move to Dallas, a decision that rocked our marriage and family in the process. We had lived in San Antonio almost 6 years at the time. I got my first “big girl” job there, we bought our first home there, I made some of my dearest, deepest friendships there, I learned to hear the voice of the Lord like never before at the sweetest church there, and I walked through one of the darkest seasons of my life there. I brought home two colicky newborns there and had a pack of girlfriends who brought wine and held my babies when I didn’t have the energy to. I had countless girls’ nights and fun playdates and regular days that felt like they would never end there too. There was just so much to leave, and I wasn’t sure I could when Erik asked me to move new city where I would have to start all over.

And let me just say, I put up my best fight. I pulled out all of the stops, telling him one night that he should just go without us, that I would stay back in San Antonio and would be just fine on my own (this coming from the girl who cannot make coffee by herself….just fine on my own?! Right.) A few weeks later, after a few long hours with our most favorite marriage counselor, I agreed that maybe I would at least consider whether this move might be a good thing for our family. 

As I began to really pray about it, (read: telling God why this was NOT a good idea and asking him to change Erik’s heart and job situation so that we could stay in our little bubble with all of our friends forever and ever), something strange happened. God started speaking to me that Dallas WAS what he had for me. Not just for Erik, but for me. And that I had a choice to make- I could really believe that and trust Him with all of the details that come with a major life move, or I could continue believing the lie that moving would be the worst thing ever and that Erik was trying to tear me away from everything and everyone that I loved in San Antonio. The thing is, I knew how important this move was to Erik. Erik loves his job and really loves his company, and him staying in San Antonio with his current company meant he wouldn’t have had much room for professional growth. Making him switch companies or jobs just so I could maintain my level of comfort and happiness would have just been wrong, and deep down, I knew it. But Erik wouldn’t make this job transition unless I was on board (because Erik is far more selfless than I am), so hearing the Lord assure me that he not only wanted this move to be for Erik’s benefit, but for our whole family, began to soften my heart to the possibility that this might turn out okay.

After a few more hard months and lots of counseling, we finally got on the same page, and the details then began to fall into place. I got a message one Friday morning last fall from a stranger on a neighborhood facebook group (the neighborhood down the street from Erik’s office in Dallas) giving me a heads up that a new house had been listed that morning and it met all the criteria that I had posted about a couple of weeks before. This neighborhood was known for houses being sold off-market, so the fact that one even came ON the market was rare. Our realtor in Dallas drove over to look at it later that morning, and called to tell us we needed to come see it in person because he couldn’t tell If I would like it (he had discovered quickly how “attentive to detail” I was about every.single.thing re: potential houses). The problem was that the sellers were planning on accepting a bid by the end of the weekend since they were expecting multiple offers. So the next day, I got up and drove 5 hours to see this house for exactly 30 minutes (before our showing got interrupted by an accidental double-booking). I was hesitant to make an offer because I thought the house needed some work, but Erik (who stayed back with the girls because his “attention to detail” is not quite as advanced as mine) was convinced that this was our house- it was in walking distance to his office and in our dream neighborhood- so we made the offer. I honestly wasn’t expecting us to get it, as there had already been several offers submitted, but on the drive home that night, I heard God clearly say that house would be ours. So when we found out that Sunday night they had accepted our offer, it was confirmation that A) I had heard God, and B) He was taking care of us with this move.

Fast forward to today, and I can honestly say our family is thriving in Dallas. Not to say that I don’t miss my tribe in San Antonio so much that it hurts sometimes, but I know I will have those special friendships for the rest of my life, regardless of the distance. Since we’ve moved, Erik is able to be home more than on the road, which has been a huge weight lifted off me in turn (a weight I didn’t even realize I was carrying). The girls love going to their new preschool, we adore our amazing church, and we have made some of the most wonderful friends here already. Not to mention our dream neighborhood, which conveniently came with some dream neighbors that we love doing life with. I can absolutely already see the fruit of God’s promise that Dallas would be a good fit for me as well as for Erik.

I feel a contentment in this season that I had been missing for a long time. And I don't think it was changing zip codes that brought that- it has been more about letting go of my death-grip on control and finally truly trusting that God's plans for my life really are for my good and not to harm me (Jer. 29:11). Maybe also it’s just a less hectic season with our kids getting a little older (A 2.5yr old 1.5yr old…which let me just tell you, is a heck of lot easier than a 1yr old and an infant), or maybe its just the cooler weather here lately that has me feeling grateful. Of course, we still have struggles and arguments and traffic (dear Lord, the traffic) here, because, well….life, man. But I am finding that living life from a place of contentment is so much less stressful than from a place of contention. I can’t say that I always submit to Erik’s leadership in every area of our marriage, but I am so grateful that I did this time- he really did know all along that this would be a good thing for all of us. It just took some kicking and screaming and maybe some of my claw marks in the San Antonio clay to make me realize it too :)

If there is something in your life you are holding on a little too tightly but really feel God's nudge to let it go, maybe press into that, and ask Him what He may have to give you instead? For me, it was giving up everything I thought brought me comfort- the familiarity of the life I had built for my family- to gain a deeper level of trust and comfort in God and my husband that I hadn't known before. And it really has been worth it.